To the Squirrel

Hey there, little fella. You there, with the nut, zipping along my fence line, climbing onto the gutter and scuttling across my roof to get into my attic God knows how. I’ve got news for you.

You’re going to die.

Maybe not today, or tomorrow, but here’s the thing – I’m warning you. So when you find yourself inside that metal cage we’re going to put on the fence, the one that you’re too stupid to avoid on account of your brain is so very tiny – don’t say I didn’t tell you so. And don’t be mad at me either. You don’t pay any portion of my mortgage, you don’t use any portion of my house.

If you persist, you must die.

Or you could just make like a squirrel….  and live in a tree.

Your choice.