When The Man Is Sick

Men, we love you – really we do. Bless your hearts. But when you’re sick, you are at best ridiculous and at worst, well – just sick. Here’s the thing – get over it. Recently my husband got sick – AGAIN, but instead of going to the doctor, he decided he needed to ‘fight it off.’ The joy.

Day 1

Wow, they weren’t kidding with that cough syrup. I do feel dizzy.

It’s strong. How much did you take?

A tablespoon, just like it says.

It says to take a teaspoon.

No.

Yes. T-S-P stands for teaspoon.

Whatever. Tablespoon, teaspoon, same thing.

k

Day 2

That cough medicine really worked last night. I’m going to take it again.

Okay, but just a teaspoon this time, right?

Oh yeah. For sure.

[20 minutes later]

How you feeling?

[grumble, grumble, grunt] It works a lot better if you take a tablespoon.

Exploiting the Male Brain For Fun and Profit

Man: Blah, blah, blah.
Woman: The way I see it [insert original thought here].
Man: [without acknowledging woman] Yada, yada, yada.

*1 hour later*

Woman: Blah, blah, blah.
Man: The way I see it [insert woman's original thought here].
Woman: [speechless]

It is not their fault. This is the way the male brain works. In that one hour (or five minutes or three days or whatever) their little synapses are working out a way to convince the male that he actually came up with the thought on his own. I repeat: he cannot help it. So instead of letting it bother us, let’s learn to work with the male brain. Surely there has to be a way to use this knowledge to make them clean up their own crumbs and decide we are far too busy to cook for them.

I have no idea how to actually make this happen. Suggestions?

Give Me The Good Stuff

What is the worst gift you ever received from a significant other? (By the way, I can’t stand this term so let me know if you know a better one – and I don’t mean partner.) I have received a Dirt Devil. My favorite, though, was when he had my daughter write on my birthday card: Good for one free spa day. Yes, the spa fairy granted me a wish. Who’s paying? I asked. My daughter looked up at me – moron that I am – it’s free silly, she said, can’t you read? Top that.

I’m not really one to look a Gift Man in the mouth, but it’s not rocket science is it? After years of telling my husband exactly what I wanted, I finally broke down last year for Christmas and actually wrote him out a list. All he had to do was take the kids out and start checking things off. It worked. I’m pretty much converted. Except that it sort of takes all the hearts and bubbles out of receiving gifts. What if… he knew exactly what I wanted… but I didn’t have to actually tell him… directly anyway…

Introducing Get In Her Head, the site where you enter all your gift wishes and sizes, then sit back and wait for the good stuff to start rolling in. They even have a cool service where they send emails giving you ideas of thoughtful things to do for your Other. Yes, you can now fake spontaneity! (and ladies, your man can put his info in too, in case you forget that he wants the eight foot plasma TV.)

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