Peas Are Green and Round and Mushy

I knew this day would come! All my hard work making up songs for my baby has paid off! I finally have a venue for my musical masterpieces. Parent Bloggers Network has asked bloggers to share songs we used to liven up our days with little ones. Now, I know it’s not the same without the tune, which I also made up, but here’s mine and my son’t favorite:

peas are green and round and mushy
they go in my mouth and they come out my tushy
I love peas

you can eat peas raw or cooked
you can eat peas while you read a book
I love peas

peas are delectable
peas are divine
peas are so wonderful
you can eat ‘em any old time

peas are great peas are delicious
peas are fun and they’re even nutricious
I LOOOOOOOVE PEEEEEAS!!!

Pretty good huh? That is so copyrighted by the way…. Here’s another:

I love eating foods that are orange
I love eating foods that are orange
Carrots and squash and sweet potatoes
I love eating foods that are orange

That one is much improved with music. Trust me. Here’s one you may recognize. It goes along to the tune of Jesus Christ Superstar. (I know!)

Cereal! Superstar!
Do you know how good you are?
Rice and oat, corn and wheat
Do you know that you can’t be beat?

So Parent Bloggers and Bush’s Beans are asking us to rewrite the old favorite beans, beans the magical fruit… By the way, did you know beans aren’t really a fruit but a veggie. I thought they were a legume, but that’s neither here nor there. Here goes:

Beans, beans, the magical veggie
Eat ‘em and no one will give you a wedgie
No one wants a wedgie it’s true
Eat more beans so you won’t be blue

I’m not going to win that contest, I know. But please, what else rhymes with veggie?

This post was written for Parent Bloggers Network as an entry for a contest sponsored by Bush’s Beans.

By the way, all my mommy blogging buddies – anyone can play on these weekly posts. Get on over to PBN and get to posting!

If You Give a Mom a Martini

If you give a mom a martini, she’ll want some nuts to go with it. And then her fingers will get all salty and greasy so she’ll go inside to wash them where she remembers there’s guacamole left over from last night. Everybody knows you need chips to dip in guacamole. And if you’re eating chips, well you might as well make a margarita to match. After a couple mixed drinks she decides to forego the grilled chicken and veggies and order a pizza. Because the kids are really hungry she’d better order two large. We all know pizza’s nothing without beer.

And this is how mommies end up bloated and headachey on Saturday mornings.

Remember that next time you’re out on the driveway on Friday afternoon, about to give a mom a martini.

How Not to Be a Jerk With Kids in Public

Say you have told your two-year-old (and no, this is not too young to start) that if she throws another fry with ketchup on it onto the floor, you will have to leave the restaurant. So of course, she’s going to huck the fry, right? Duh. Then what? You are at a crucial crossroads. You can either bunch up your face and repeat your threat, tagging the words one more time to the end of it, or you can calmly get up and take the kid out to the lobby or the car or wherever until the rest of the family has eaten or packed up their to-go boxes. (Hint: the 2nd one is the right answer.)

Aw, but…

I know. It’s rough. But you HAVE TO do it. You have to.

But we’ll never be able to eat in a restaurant again!

Wrong! This is where most people get into trouble. Nipping the anit-social behavior in the bud is the easier option. (And we can all agree that pelting others with ketchuped fries is not cool, right?) Chances are you’ll only go through the above scenario ONE TIME. The next time your kid knows you mean what you say. Then you’re free to go to any restaurant you like, assured that Little Miss Condiment will show her very best manners.

And don’t get me started on those awful family restaurants. They are loud and nerve wracking and so that makes it okay to let kids run wild? Do you like to eat in that atmosphere? Do you? Because if that’s the only place you take your kids, and if you let them act like animals because no one will really notice, then that’s how you’re training them to act. All the time.

That said. This rant represents my most-of-the-time philosophy. If you are sick, on a deadline, mentally drained, or otherwise not yourself – by all means dump them in front of a kid’s meal and call it good. Just check your ass for ketchup when you stand up!

This post was written for Parent Bloggers Network as part of a sweepstakes sponsored by Burger King Corp.

Cyrano de Cheese Sauce

To help the American Egg Board identify America’s Worst Cook, Parent Bloggers Network is hosting a theme today about cooking disasters. Try as I might I just can’t think of a single bad experience. I’m that good. To clarify: I’m that good at blocking out embarrassing memories. So how about ridiculous instead?

When I was in high school I had a thing for brocoli with cheese sauce. For whatever reason. My best friend’s older sister happened to be the absolute master of cheese sauce. Lucky for me. I also had a thing for this really cute guy, and a penchant for playing house. One evening when my mom was out of town I invited him over for dinner. The thing was I didn’t know how to cook, so my friend’s older sister came over about an hour before my date. She baked a chicken, and whipped up a batch of her creamy cheese concoction. She even steamed the brocoli. Lucky for me. I made a box of stuffing to round out the meal.

I knew the guy wasn’t a keeper when he looked up at me and asked:

“Is this Stove Top?”

This post was written for Parent Bloggers Network as part of a contest sponsored by the American Egg Board.