Death by Moisturizer

Oh crap. Now I’ve done it. I fear I’m not long for this life. Here I thought I was so clever taking that premium sample of super-organic-fountain-of-youth-extra-delicious-scented body butter from the dermotologist’s office. Except it’s only now, after I’ve slathered the sumptuous snake oil onto my entire body, that I’m reading the label:

age preventing body cream

Age preventing.

Goodbye cruel world. At least I can rest easy, knowing I go into the dark night looking not ashy nor parched.