Sorry About the Flowers

To my husband who will not read this:

Do you really think it’s wise to leave me alone with the children, a sick dog, and our plants for a week? The kids I can handle; they ask for food and soda several times a day. The dog also tells me what he needs, in yowls and paw swipes. But those damn plants are so passive aggressive. “Oh, don’t mind me. I’ll just sit here and wither.”

Would it have killed you to remind me to water them?

No, it wouldn’t have. A simple “Did you water the plants?” would have sufficed. Yes, I would have sighed and lied and told you that of course I watered them. Sheesh. But the plants would still be alive. So… in a way, it was really you who murdered our potted sweet potato vine and our hanging verdana. Nice. Real nice.