New and Improved Mother’s Day
I just now finished addressing the Mother’s Day cards. If I’m lucky I’ll get them into the mailbox today. (Yeah, I know – who am I kidding?) So I can rest assured that they’ll arrive cross country approximately next Tuesday.
Mother’s Day: another opportunity for me to feel guilty. Even though I AM a mother. Aren’t I supposed to be celebrated? Trouble is I’m also a daughter, a daughter-in-law, a step-daughter, and the responsible party of children who have grandmothers.
It’s not just Mother’s Day. The other holidays aren’t any kinder to us moms.
- Halloween is cruel. After all that work to dress up the kids how are you repaid? With a big bowl of Fat Ass sitting on the counter for weeks.
- Birthdays give your kids free license repeatedly ask how old you are. Repeatedly. And when will your husband learn that when you say you want a ‘practical gift’, this is not code for ‘vacuum’. It means Botox. Duh.
- Let’s not forget Thanksgiving – the soul crushing, manicure wrecking, thigh widening hall of horrors.
- Christmas is actually quite wonderful – for people who like to start planning an event 18 months out. This year I didn’t send cards. I swear for a tiny minute the earth really did halt its rotation.
- Easter, please. Who looks good in white pants? Not moms.
What I really want is a holiday for me. Just for me. Lela Day, perhaps. Sounds nice right?
In the absence of that I would settle for National Mandatory Go To a Spa Day. This holiday is for women only. There are no cards and no gifts. The spa is free and you are required to stay there for a minimum of four hours. Make that five. And they have to feed you some magical food while you’re there that is delicious but non-fattening. In fact, it actually burns calories while you eat it without any effort on your part.
While you’re at the spa, the family is home celebrating their own holiday: Pick Up Your Own Crap and Clean Your Nasty Hairs Out of the Drain Day.
Who’s with me?
by Lela Davidson on May 6, 2009
in motherhood
I forgot about Mother’s Day until just a minute ago when my dad called and asked if we were going to some see my mother on Sunday. She really just wants to see the kids, so this could be a win/win if I send them there because she gets what she wants (a day to brainwash and pick her grandchildren for information about their mother’s dating habits) and I get what I want (time all alone without these two kids that have been fighting for hours on end).
I’m with you. If I hear the old “I went to Walmart this morning and a one size fits all nightgown is all I could come up with” line again it may send me over the edge.
Ooooh; a spa day sounds soooo nice.