Never Underestimate the Power of a Push-Up Bra
I’m late to the party on this one, but apparently men like breasts. Shocking, I know. All those Victoria’s Secret catalogs should have been a clue.
If you have small breasts, as I do, you’re actually at an advantage over those busty broads. You have more options. You can live with them the way they are (some men even profess to prefer the smaller variety, but they are mostly liars); you can have augmentation surgery; or you can wear bras with strategically placed foam, water, or silicone inserts.
First option – think Kate Hudson. She rocks the flat chest, no? If you are young and haven’t breast fed, the braless, nipple-showcasing look can work. However, it’s not for everyone. More women opt for implants. In fact, lately, it seems that everyone I meet has them. I don’t live in L.A., or even Texas, and yet here I am surrounded by baggies in bras. Why all the fake breasts? Refer to my opening.
Anyway, a lot of my friends have been encouraging me to have my breasts done. Everywhere I go, perfect, round tits taunt me. And they could be mine too, in any number of easy payments. But I resist for several reasons. First there is always a risk when going under anesthesia. I’d hate for my husband to have to explain to the kids how Mommy had a heart attack on the table because she wanted men to notice her chest.
Aside from my irrational fear of death by face mask, there is a more practical reason I opt out of saline or silicon. They don’t last forever. It was huge news to me when a forty-something friend told me that she was having hers replaced. Replaced. Like an A/C unit. Turns out breast implants need updating every twenty years or so. I’m forty now. To face another surgery at 60, and then again at 80? (Because who doesn’t want to be hot in the halls of the nursing home?) Thanks, but no thanks.
You may have figured it out by now. I am a fan of the push-up bra. It is the best of all worlds. You can be ballerina-flat-and-perky in a tank top one minute, and busting out like a corseted stripper the next. For years I resisted the push-up because, as a small-breasted woman, I always felt the foamy look was false chest integrity. I reserved cheater bras for special occasions. Anniversaries, New Years’, slutty Halloween costumes. Then I got over it. I bought a few and started experimenting. You know, NOT on holidays. I watched men turn stupid in a way my A-cups had never inspired. I was ogled; I liked it. And then I took off my pretend boobies and went for a run.
Ladies: if you doubt the power of a push-up bra, take yourself down to the nearest discount retailer. (My latest acquisition set me back $5.99.) Pick up a lacy camisole to accent your faux cleavage. Then go somewhere, anywhere, and observe human behavior.
Men: you are being deceived. Enjoy.
Now, if only I can find a push-up bikini top for the lake this summer, I will be a happy woman.
by Lela Davidson on March 23, 2010
in It's All About Me
I agree with all the reasons of not going under the knife for vanity.
I also own push-up bras and I am a 36C without one.
With one, I am freakin’ Pam Anderson’s little and more tasteful sister.
Men do love the breasts.
What I really need is the rolling-pin girdle. Then the push-up bra would be unnecessary.
I ditto your rejection of fake boobs. Remind me to tell you my rims / stereo analogy. I think we should be able to see the size of mens’ parts and make judgments on them.
Midlife crisis:
Men= sports cars
Women= push up bras
I LOVE your thoughts and insight, kudos and keep it coming!
28 y/o + Double A’s = shopping in the junior section…where there are no push up bras. Bummer.
“And then I took off my pretend boobies and went for a run.”
I’m telling you, girl– that’s what I envy! As a petite girl who has large breasts, I can tell you that it’s no laughing matter for me to try to find a sports bra that does the job. I’ve resigned myself to the elliptical, due to it’s low-impact (read: low-jiggle) benefits.
Keep up the fun and insightful writing! XOXO
So hysterical yet so true!!! I love it!!!!
I cannot get enough of your writing! Whenever I am down all I have to do is read one of your columns and I just start to laugh away.
I have to share a story about push-up bras. My husband at one time worked in an office where the women, for some reason that I still cannot understand, dressed as if they were walking the streets and not going to work. Anyway, that is another story. Some days, my husband would come home puzzled wondering why the breasts of his female co-workers changed sizes within a matter of days. Push-ups bras, baby, push-up bras!!!
I don’t understand men and the big tit thing either. Take it from me it doesn’t even matter what they look like as long as they are big. I’d just as soon reduce but for the pain.
I’m all for a little false advertising myself.
Too funny!
I envy smaller-breasted women because you can wear all those cute string bikinis and shelf bra tanktops and whatnot. Can’t do that with D-cups that have nursed 3 babies, LOL!
Crimson Wife – don’t envy us. You can do other stuff.
Okay, to give a voice to the fake boobied girls out there-sometimes we do it for reasons other than having boys look at them. Like, having your six-year-old asking you why you’re pimples (she meant nipples) are looking and having to tell her because they are sad you had her and her little brother. And only being 27 at the time.
Although, they used to get me lots of free stuff. Not so much now that I’m not at my fighting weight.
Okay, I’m really sleepy after being up for an hour. That comment was supposed to read, “Like having your six-year-old asking why your pimples are looking at the sink and having to tell her because they are sad you had her and her little brother.”
I’m going back to bed now.
Candance, so much for having kids young and bouncing back. Free stuff? Damn, I have really missed out on a lot in life. I’m rethinking my decision. If only they could come up with an orthoscopic solution – maybe just insert a valve or something so it would be as simple as airing up your Goodyears.