If I Had Tweeted My Labor

OMG! Just started timing contractions. Totally on schedule. This is going to be soooo great. Can’t wait to start breathing exercises!

*

Contractions are starting to hurt. Husband wants to go to the hospital but I’m calling the doula. Need to labor at home a while.

*

Damn this hurts! Breathing not bringing the relief I thought it would. Cramps are WAY worse than in the pictures.

*

Couldn’t wait for doula to show. Threw up en route to the hospital. Husband is totally freaking out.

*

Trying to Tweet in the tub w/o *ing up my iPhone. Is it normal to sound like a hurt cow?

*

The comfort of water is over-rated. The tub is now freezing but it hurts too bad to move. WTF? Who thought of this?

*

Okay – way better now. Taking drugs. Something with ‘cain’ at the end took the edge off. Waiting for my epidural!!!!

*

ROTFLMAO – Dr. Feelgood just asked if I was in the middle of a contraction! Ha! I’ll show him a contraction!

*

Epidurals=NOT overrated!! Doula is helping me get into soothing positions, just tried to sneak me a granola bar.

*

9 1/2? 9 1/2? WTF is 9 1/2? When is this *ing monster going to get the hell out of there? Seriously, suck this thing out NOW!

*

Totally should have gotten that one final pedicure.

*

Okay, fine. I give up. They’re shaving me now. We’re going to get this kid out one way or another. Okay – the other way…

*

Does anyone speak anesthesiologist? What part of ‘Yes, I can feel that’ is so hard to understand?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

*

Something just popped. What was that? Gotta go, face mask is coming and they’re making me count. 10, 9, 8, 7, …..