How My Husband Got Kicked Off My Sales Force
You may have heard I have a book launching next month. July 12th to be precise. Blacklisted from the PTA is available in paperback and Kindle. In case you hadn’t heard. I’m also having this big party to launch the book out into the world in style, and *god willing* sell a bunch of books — like enough to cover the cost of the Asian nut mix and the DJs at this party. I have a team of Uber Salespeople. All my best girlfriends really know how to move product! They set me straight several weeks ago about my meager sales goals.
“That’s your goal for 2011?” one of them said, face all scrinchy like I’d tried to serve her a virgin margarita. “No, no, no. That’s NOT your goal for 2011. It’s the goal for your launch.”
How could I say no to that kind of optimism? So off I went making posters and plans.
Cut to last night. I told my husband I needed to find someone to work checkout, run the credit card swiper. ”I can do it,” offered my sweet, well-meaning better half.
“Oh, no,” I said. “I need you to help with sales. Work your charm on all the ladies.”
“Okay, gotcha,” he said, puffing up. I had already mentally settled on a suitable checker when he added, ”What if somebody wants a refund?”
Seriously? A refund? Is this the first question my top salesman — my only salesMAN — should be asking? I’m not selling ill-fitting tops or outdated meat. It’s a book, MY book. Most of the people coming to the party are personal friends and acquaintances, or at least those who’d like to sell me life insurance.
THERE WILL BE NO REFUNDS. Got it?
That wasn’t the worst. I explained the discounts — you know, the cash incentives that compel people to purchase multiple copies of the most amazing collection of stories ever compiled behind a gratuitous image of legs and stilettos? He looked at me with the scrinchy face.
And said…
“Why would anyone buy more than one copy?”
My turn for the scrinchy face.
“Are you kidding me?” I said, “Friends, sisters, moms, birthdays, stocking stuffers, hostess gifts book clubs—”
Followed by his stop-acting-like-a-crazy-bitch calming gestures.
“Okay, okay. I didn’t know your marketing plan.”
My marketing plan, to be clear, is this: sell a lot of books.
So if you’re coming to the party, my husband will be easy to spot. He’ll be the one running the credit cards.
Image Credit: meghannash, Flickr
More About the Joys of Marriage:
by Lela Davidson on June 23, 2011
in Blacklisted from the PTA, Marriage, writing
Hilarious! If you need any extra help let me know! Very excited for your big launch! We are planning to be there!
LOL, ohh man. Has he actually read your book? Because I predict SCORES of women who will be buying copies for their girlfriends. It’s just one of those books. You’ve nailed that easy, flip to any page reading that will have moms (or wanna-be moms) racing through this book and laughing out loud in waiting rooms and soccer games across the country. And not caring who looks.
Oh, Tipsy, the man is not my audience. Clearly. And since one of my children is now an official teenager and therefore “off limits,” there is going to be ever more material coming from the marriage front. Let’s hope he continues not to read :)
Thanks, Rachel. Unless you can find me a shiny metal shopping cart for photo opps, I think my entourage has it under control. Can’t wait to see you there!
Can’t wait to get there. I’ll help in any way I can…It can’t help but be a huge success.
Ummmm….. tell your hubby I bought TEN copies!
1 for me
1 for my BFF’s birthday in September (she already got a sneak peek of my copy this weekend at her lake cabin)
and 8 for the ladies of Womenade NWA.
So there!
And I sooooo appreciate you, Jody! Thank you, and can’t wait to see you and your friends on the 12th!