Detoxed, Just Like Gwyneth
I did it, detoxed from Cozumel. I rid my gut of 24-hour free range Chez Whiz smothered fried tortillas and purged my liver of all-you-can-drink margaritas. Using Gwyneth Paltrow’s detox diet as a guide, I explored the health food store, learned a few good recipes (and the horrors of “pro-greens”), and dropped a few pounds. My tummy is flat. Kinda. And yet, the miracle detox failed to deliver the desired results. I did not grow eight inches of leg. I’m still brunette. Not hanging out with Robert Downey Jr. In short, I’m no Gwyneth. After reading about Paltrow’s bone disease, I couldn’t be happier.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m late for a date with a Frito pie.
by Lela Davidson on August 17, 2010
in It's All About Me
I feel the same way about drinking beer. If I thought it would make me as happy and carefree and beautiful as the people selling it, I’d have no problem with full-blown alcoholism. But alas, I’m pretty sure I’d still be my boring old self – and a weepy drunk to boot – if I took it up. So no happy, carefree boozing for me.
It is a little known fact that the Paltrow detox method was actually developed by Dr. Joseph Mengele at the Auschwitz death camp in order to create an endless supply of models for Hitler youth posters. It sucks the color right out of you if you repeat it often enough. I understand that Gwenyth was Algerian when she first started using the system and now look at her.