Cyrano de Cheese Sauce
To help the American Egg Board identify America’s Worst Cook, Parent Bloggers Network is hosting a theme today about cooking disasters. Try as I might I just can’t think of a single bad experience. I’m that good. To clarify: I’m that good at blocking out embarrassing memories. So how about ridiculous instead?
When I was in high school I had a thing for brocoli with cheese sauce. For whatever reason. My best friend’s older sister happened to be the absolute master of cheese sauce. Lucky for me. I also had a thing for this really cute guy, and a penchant for playing house. One evening when my mom was out of town I invited him over for dinner. The thing was I didn’t know how to cook, so my friend’s older sister came over about an hour before my date. She baked a chicken, and whipped up a batch of her creamy cheese concoction. She even steamed the brocoli. Lucky for me. I made a box of stuffing to round out the meal.
I knew the guy wasn’t a keeper when he looked up at me and asked:
“Is this Stove Top?”
This post was written for Parent Bloggers Network as part of a contest sponsored by the American Egg Board.
by Lela Davidson on June 6, 2008
in Uncategorized
When I first started dating my wife, I was working at a cedar finishing plant as a stacker. That’s right. My job was to stack wood.
We received as a Christmas gift a big, frozen turkey. So, thinking I would make a good impression, I invited my future wife over for a turkey dinner.
Nothing worked that day. I started off finding out that the turkey was too large for my oven. I had an efficiency range in my studio apartment, and the turkey was way too big. So, thinking about it, I decided to try cutting the turkey in half. All I had was a saw. Because how else could you cut a frozen turkey in half?
That’s right. Frozen. So, yeah. I tried to roast a turkey that was still frozen solid, and cut in half with a wood saw.
Needless to say, it didn’t turn out well.
Too funny. Steve, I think you need to enter that contest! (And thanks for the fiction fodder – that image won’t soon leave my imagination!)
Hey Lela – I’m adding a link to your blog on mine so I’ll come everyday…I’ve been clicking through Lindsay but don’t do that often enough!
Hey Lela,
I’ve added a link to your blog on mine so I’ll visit everyday. I’ve been coming through Lindsay’s but I don’t do it often enough!
Christy
Aren’t you glad you didn’t do all the cooking after that reaction?!
Hey, Lela! Is that Velveeta? Our first attempts at impressing guys with cooking is always a fun memory. I think I remember making Jell-o for a boy named Anthony when I was nine. I put on a pretty white dress with a pink sash. I remember being so happy when he smiled and said he liked it. My poor mom was in the kitchen trying really hard not to laugh…
While in high school and not the great cook I am today, I entered the 4H project show by baking a Red Velvet Cake–basically to get out of school for a couple of days. The layers turned out perfectly, while the icing didn’t. The recipe read “add flour and ice”. When my mom came home, I had a puzzled look on my face and asked her how I should know how much ice to add. There were puddles of water standing in the gooey mixture of my frosting. Needless to say I didn’t win the blue ribbon, and I really felt bad for the judge that had to sample my “icing”.
@Sugar – It was so NOT Velveeta. I supposed I could have managed that myself – if we’d had a microwave back then!
@Allyson – That reminds me of the time my friend and I made peanut butter cookies in about 7th grade and failed to include the FLOUR! Talk about a gooey mess in the oven. I still feel sorry for her mom!
Sure it wasn’t… tee hee… we didn’t have a microwave back then, either. We were afraid of radiation. ahahaha