Come Watch Funny Book Trailers With Me

Ever since I created my own book trailer for Blacklisted from the PTA, I’ve been collecting other funny book trailers. Frankly, we need more, because there are a lot of funny books out there, as well as a lot of really boring books that people could be tricked into buying if only they had a humorous–though deceitful–promotional strategy. So far I’ve found six, from Linda Yellin, Jenna McCarthy, Alan Arkin, Sarah Maizes, Maya Banks, and of course yours truly. We need more. Truly.

So, get a snack, check out my collection of funny book trailers page, and let me know when you come across worthy additions. (While you’re at it, bring me something, would you? I’m thinking something in a salty/sweet with magical ass fat burning properties.)

Check Out These Posts, Too, If You Want:

• 5 Books I’ve Resolved to Read in 2012
• Live From My Kitchen: Blacklisted Book Trailer
• How My Husband Got Kicked Off My Sales Force

 

Image: skypax pictures, Flickr

5 Books I’ve Resolved to Read in 2012

 

I’m not big on making New Year’s resolutions, per se. However, I love the whole out-with-the-old-and-in-with-the-new attitude. Of course there is the requisite dieting, but only because I don’t fit into a single pair of jeans. Instead of boring you with my oatmeal and egg white regimen, I thought I’d channel my self-improvement enthusiasm into a reading list.

Here are five books I’ll read in 2012:

40 Days to Personal Revolution by Baron Baptiste 

I read this one last January and tried to follow the 40-day “transformation” program that included daily yoga and meditation. Daily – that was the kicker.

Read the rest of this post on Modern Mom.

 

Random Bubbly:

• Parenting Trends, and My Too-Tight Sweater
• Girls Trip New York City Style
• Reflections of 2011, aka Holy Crap, I Did All That?

 

Image: macinate, Flickr

 

 

 

Reflections of 2011, aka Holy Crap I Did All That?

I’ve received a lot of encouragement lately to spend more (okay, SOME) time reflecting on what I have accomplished. This, instead of just charging ahead. So I put it on my to-do list and here I am: Thursday, 10:45 – 11:15, Reflect. And what am I supposed to do, just sit here? No can do. A bullet-pointed list seems in order. We’re coming up on 2012, after all. I wouldn’t want the world to end without a digital record of my accomplishments.

2011, The Recap:

• Started representing Peekaboo magazine on the KFSM 5News ParentingU segment.
• Published in Chicken Soup for the Soul: New Moms.
• Presented a session on using Twitter to create community at SheCon new media conference in Miami.
• Published Blacklisted from the PTA, surpassing every single sales goal I set.
• Became a freelance contributor to the Today Show MOMS website.
• Became a columnist for Brooke Burke’s Modern Mom website.
• Pitched a story to Writer’s Digest about how to have a successful book launch party. To appear in the February 2012 issue.
• Released a video book trailer.
• Recorded my first audio essay and posted to this blog.
• Interviewed Wendy Williams for her “After the Show” website feature. They linked to my book.
• Applied for and was granted one of only ten national licenses to produce Listen To Your Mother in Northwest Arkansas.
• Invited to speak at several venues in 2012, including The Divorce Expo in Detroit, the Ozark Writer’s League annual conference in Branson, and the Oklahoma Writer’s Federation annual conference in Oklahoma City.

Girls Trip, New York City Style

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A friend of mine is getting married in February, and although we would have loved to humiliate her with half naked men in the City of Sin, she wanted a pre-wedding celebration in New York City. No arguments from me. I combined a little work with a lot of play. Soon we, her friends, were emailing a blur of schemes and plans, trying to fit in all the things Our Girl wanted to do in the city.

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Holiday Hair: Myth or Magic?

Very disturbing news in the inbox today. I have been invited to write about my “go-to” holiday hairstyle. Upsetting not only because I do not personally possess such a thing, but also because I had no idea this was a thing. So now, in addition to having a) no failsafe holiday hair, and b) zero invitations to impromptu events requiring “holiday hair,” I also have to spend the rest of the season feeling inferior in the knowledge that others have both. Also, I am now obsessed with something called a sock bun. Thanks a lot, BlogHer.

So now I’m supposed to post about my go-to holiday hairstyle.

Um… clean?

My best friend in high school had an older sister who was a hairdresser. When I was sixteen she cut layers into my permed hair and told me about a technique she’d seen demonstrated at a recent hair show. At the end of the cut the stylist rubbed the client’s head around in his crotch and threw her back upright. He called it “the freshly f-cked look, direct from Dallas.”

Theatrical, yes. Perhaps I was unduly influenced, but ever since then I figure the messier the better. No hairstyle survives a good time, anyway. That’s not really a go-to holiday hairstyle, is it? Maybe some tinsel would help?

Surely, you have a better suggestion than mine – you should leave it in the comments here, or just do what the woman in the video does– you know, if you have those horrible long, thick locks. While you’re at it, enter to win $250 in BlogHer’s Life Well Lived sweepstakes. I did. Because mama needs some blowout.

Image Credit: hansvandenberg30, Flickr

 

 

Farewell, Beloved Liquid Liner

 

Thanks to L’Oreal for sponsoring my post about my favorite beauty looks, tips and tricks! Check out Makeup.com for beauty advice from the experts.

I have been enjoying smoky eyes, black eyeshadow, and liquid liner for a while. Maybe too long. It’s time for a change. I never want to be one of those cosmetic tragedies who get stuck in a look far past its time. I’ve seen too many makeover shows, not to mention trips to Walmart. I have always loved makeup.

Milestones in my personal makeup history:

1970: Skipped the Bonnie Belle and practiced with mom’s considerable makeup collection (some of which I guarantee I could find in her bathroom today.)

1984 – Listened to Van Halen and Def Leppard; embraced the look. No 8th grader needs black eyeliner. No two 8th graders need to share eyeliner in the bathroom at school. Try as we did, Pink Eye Chic never caught on at Vista Middle School.

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Girlfriends Are Good Medicine

I was excited about turning forty, and confused, and terrified, and unsure about my future in facial fillers.

My hormones didn’t help.

Generally, I’m not a very emotional person. I’m too busy for that crap, and frankly I think you should be too. But then came forty. I became extremely emotional, my periods got off their atomic-clock-accurate schedule, my heart raced, I couldn’t sleep, and I swear I had hot flashes.

Also, I wanted sex all the time. Like, every minute. In many ways it felt like adolescence, which was why I knew it had to be hormonal.

Did I mention the terribly painful and repulsive acne that plagued my jawline? That’s what sent me to the dermatologist, who confirmed that yes, there was definitely something going on with my hormones.

My regular doctor pulled up a hormone levels chart on her iPhone. The multiple lines rising and falling erratically looked about right, but offered no answers beyond ruling out my thyroid. Maybe it was the impending Big Birthday that had me thinking menopause, or peri-menopause, as we 40-is-the-new-17 like to call it.

It’s not that I thought I was actually entering my post-menstrual years. I could still Duggar-Up and procreate if I really had to. (Okay, I couldn’t, but that’s a whole other story.) But I knew what was happening to me was somehow related to the complicated mix that comes with being a woman.

So I googled frantically for symptoms of peri-menopause, switched to soy milk, and annoyed everyone I knew with my theories. They responded like this:

• My friends shunned the mention of the M word. They literally turned their bodies away from me, clutching their collective uteri and crying “NO! You are WAY too young for that!”
• My husband didn’t “buy it.” As you might imagine, this triggered my emotion of Anger, in a big way.
• The only women who would entertain the idea that my changes could possibly be menopause related were women who had been there. Instead of turning away, women in their 50s and 60s offered knowing nods. While it was comforting to have my suspicions validated, they offered little additional comfort. You might have symptoms for a couple of weeks, they said, and then you go two years with nothing.

Sexy or Sexist: My MissRepresentation

I watched the award-winning independent film MissRepresentation last month. The producers are building a movement of awareness around the themes of the film and unlike those occupying streets and parks across the country, this cause asks proponents to take real actions toward advancing their goals.

Among all the unsettling information presented in the movie, there was one statistic that really made me want to get involved.

Read the rest of this post on ModernMom.

He’s a Smooth Talker, Clearly

When I started representing Peekaboo Magazine on the morning news earlier this year, I immediately went to Target to stock up on liquid foundation and extra blush. On my assigned Mondays I have gotten up at 4:45, plastered on a TV-worthy mask, and tried to be perky for the cameras. It’s fun, I’ve learned a lot, including the fact that people who look small on TV are actually of the Elfin race. I now understand eating disorders and addictions to plastic surgery. Let’s just say hi-def keeps you humble.

The news segments continue to be a wonderful experience, but one thing had to change: the drag queen makeup. I had been toying with the idea of toning down the makeup for weeks and then I got the perfect opportunity. I had to work a shift for a school fundraiser immediately following my last appearance. I’d be sorting books in a dusty warehouse, with a bunch of moms I’d never met. I feared My Dancing with the Stars look would not be well received.

So I wielded a lighter hand. With the exception of a little extra blush, I wore the same makeup I wear on any other day. (Okay, the days I actually shower and get dressed in something more than yoga pants.)

As soon as I’d finished at school, I came home and watched the clip, which of course is not hi-def. I asked my husband later if he’d watched the news that morning.

“Yeah, depressing topic.”

“I know. How did I look?”

He knows the answer to this one. “You looked great.”

“Thanks, but did I look different?”

Flashes of terror, confusion, and decision moved over his face. “Yes,” he said.

“I’m not asking you to say I looked different. I want to know if I did.”

“You looked great.”

“But did I look different. Because I did my makeup differently.”

“Uh… yeah, you did.”

“What did I look like?”

“You looked… clean.”

As opposed to all those others times I’ve been on video looking like a dirty girl? “What does that mean?”

“I don’t know. You just looked really clear.”

“Like I was in HD?”

“Exactly!”

 Like This? Try These:

• Miss You, Babe
• How My Husband Got Kicked Off My Sales Force
• Carpe Diem, Carpe Di-Ass

 

Image: ThiagoJ, Flickr

 

 

Strollergate: Was a New York Mom Really Shoplifting?

Grocery shopping is not a crime. Except when it is.

I often pick up more than I can carry at the grocery store. With a toddler in tow, I might stick a bottle of Heinz in my pocket, hoping I remember to produce the concealed condiment for the cashier. (That’s a risk I take when I fool myself into thinking I can get in and out with just a hand-held basket.)

However, here in the suburbs of Rogers, Ark., most food shopping involves a cart the size of my first car, which makes accidental theft less likely. Countless times I’ve almost walked out of the Super Center with a case of Diet Coke and a pallet of Charmin, but those are easy to spot on the lower rack of the cart.

Click here to read the rest of this post on the Today Show Moms blog.

You Might Like These Too:

• Ask the Bubbly: Babies Laughing at Paper
• A Case for Arts in Education
• The Legend of My Ten-Pound Baby

Image: Ed Yourdon, Flickr

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