You made your bed?
Uh huh.

And the closet?
Yes, Mom! Jeez.

For ten years I thought my daughter weighed ten pounds at birth. Oops.

The Legend of My Ten-Pound Baby

Did you enjoy? There’s more where that came from.

Order Blacklisted from the PTA in paperback or Kindle now.

Like This? Try These:

• Podcast: Easter Bunny Blues
• Podcast: Got Hotel Rooms?
• Podcast: Does Sam’s Club Count as Date Night?

Audio: Lela Davidson

Image: D. Sharon Pruit, Pink Sherbet Photography, Flickr

Wow, it’s been busy. I think I said that last month, and it’s even truer now. In fact, these recaps are an important way for me to keep track of what I’ve done and where I’m going. Some fun things that happened in April.

• My essay “When You Want to Run Away” appeared in Houston Family Magazine.
• Admitted that I sometimes just roll my eyes and sigh when my children lie to me in April for Today Show Moms.
• Represented my adopted state of Arkansas for iVillage.
• “Earth Mama Wannabe,” a chronicle of my battle with cloth diapers, was published in metroparent in Milwaukee.
• “The Case of the Easter Bunny” hopped into Broward Family Life.
• Hit the front page of Today.com and msn.com with my commentary on helicopter parenting and crawling helmets for babies.
• Considered the financial factors involved in staying home and going back to work after baby for Chicago Parent.
• Helped parents make friends with Facebook for Atlanta Parent, San Diego Family, and Savvy Kids in Little Rock.
• Presented strategies to prevent cyber-bullying and control the damage of its effects for Piedmont Family Magazine.
• Told the world the very stupid thing my kids learned to do on YouTube for Today Show Moms.
• Attended and sold books at the Missouri Writer’s Guild annual conference. With the guidance of Claire Cook, Christina Katz, and Christie Craig, I came away with a focus I’ve been lacking. Thanks to these ladies, I now know better what I do best.
• My “Car Trouble” was featured in ParentsSource magazine in Pennsylvania.
• Met with several brands, wrote lots of proposals, and signed our first clients for Peekaboo Media Group.
• Presented a session, “Social Media for Beginners” and participated on the social media panel at the Oklahoma Writers Federation Conference (OWFI).
• Blacklisted from the PTA won the OWFI award for Best Non-Fiction Book of the Year!
• And then there was Listen To Your Mother, which I can say without too much exaggeration, was transformative.

Images: Megan Clemence Photography, Today.com

When I noticed the dark brown wound on the back of my 13-year-old son’s hand, he explained that he had burnt himself with salt and ice. “I just wanted to see if it would work,” he said. “It didn’t even hurt.” When my shock turned to anger, he implicated his 11-year-old sister as an accomplice. I had apparently raised not one, but two, “gifted” children.

Why would honor students with no history of drug use or brain disorders maim themselves in the name of curiosity? They saw it on YouTube, naturally.

Read the rest of this post on Today Show Moms

Image: William Hook, Flickr

Given the lengths so-called helicopter parents will go to protect their children, one would think an actual helicopter blade were hurtling toward their sheltered offspring. I suspect the stress caused by parents’ fears might harm kids more than the occasional stitch-worthy gash, or bump on the head.

Case in point: crawling helmets.

Seems some parents are so concerned about the rate at which their babies are ambling about the living room that they are purchasing crawling helmetsfor their high velocity tots.

Read the rest of this post on Today Show Moms.

Image: Theodore Scott, Flickr

My secret: Let others choose.

Getting dressed has become much more frustrating since my daughter turned about six and started telling me what was what. But I’m also getting better at it. I’m anticipating her reaction, and basing [some] of my wardrobe decisions on it.

But what’s better than a [now] tween daughter to help you get dressed? Very stylish friends.

I’ve been looking especially cute this spring thanks to some help from my business partners in Peekaboo Media Group. With minimal direction (no bare arms, don’t make me look short) they picked out several ensembles for a recent photo shoot. Even better: Dillard’s gave us a discout on anything from the shoot. I bought the key pieces, added a little mixing and matching with the help of my daugther, and set out for my most fashionable season ever. I think.

My secret is simple. It’s the same for clothing, wine, and entrees at dark restaurants with menus that have too-small font: Let others choose.

What makes you feel cute? Head over to Life Well Lived on BlogHer and join the conversation. There are prizes!

Last night we hosted a going away party for the loveliest girl my daughter has known for the eight years we’ve lived in Arkansas. Through playdates, carpools, scary movies, late night runs for the border, hours on end of Facetime, and too many sleepovers to count, we have come to love her as our own. To send her off in style we invited a dozen of her closest friends to party like it was 1999. Okay, not really, because they don’t know that song, but you get the idea.

Some things I learned:

1. Red frosting is just as dangerous as red punch.

2. Dawn dishwashing soap really can get out any stain, including those that result from red frosting.

3. One should state on the invitations that one is feeding the children, so that one does not end up with four pepperoni pizzas left over the end of the night.

4. Twelve-year-olds still play duck-duck-goose. Or, that’s their story and they’re sticking with it.

5. Other moms know a lot more about the social lives of said 12-year-olds than I do. And that’s the way I like it.

6.Two 40-something moms should wait until “Young, Wild, and Free” has finished before “warming up the dance floor.”

7. If there are boys and soccer balls at the party, liability waivers might not be a bad idea.

8. The word sexy is overused in the tween demographic. Disconcertingly so.

9. Only hold parties in good weather.

10. Napkins, napkins, napkins.

My kids party philosophy has not changed since they were little, and it’s not so different that my adult party philosophy. Don’t overthink it. Don’t try to control it. Give them something to eat and drink and leave them alone. I may not be the best hostess, but I did hear the kids had a good time. In fact, more than one child gave the party in the highest compliment available to the developing tween mind.

They called it EPIC!

My work here is done. For now.

Image: Pink Sherbet Photography, Flickr

I cannot tell you hwo happy I am that the whole Easter Bunny thing is behind me. I still gather treats for my sweets, but no longer must I suffer the pressure of protecting their childhood rabbit fantasy. We are in a happier place now – me, my kids, and our 2-pound bags of chocolate.

The Case of the Easter Bunny

Can you relate? There’s more where that came from.

Order Blacklisted from the PTA in paperback or Kindle now.

Like This? Try These:

• Podcast: Got Hotel Rooms?
• Podcast: Does Sam’s Club Count as Date Night?
• Podcast: Holiday Baking Disaster

Audio: Lela Davidson

Image: jonfeinstein, Flickr

It’s been a busy month here. Busier than usual, I think. Maybe it’s the weather. It’s hard to believe that we are through Spring Break and looking forward to summer. Today I spent the day on the lake, I slathered myself in sunscreen and spent the day eating salty snacks, drinking cheap beer, reading and sleeping – and it didn’t feel a day before June.

• “Promises To My Teenagers” appeared in Peekaboo Magazine and Pittsburgh Parent. This caused a bit of a scuffle over pizza, when my daughter objected to my reference to ugly hair. No worries, I made it up to her with The Hunger Games.
• Delivered the keynote speech on the first day of The Divorce Expo on March 25th in Novi, Michigan. You 2.0: Because Life’s Too Short to Stay Tied in a Knot. I think they liked me, especially the woman who asked me to make a Me 2.0 t-shirt. That’s on the list ;)
• Blacklisted from the PTA was honored as Best Humor book and Best Non-Fiction Book of the Year by Readers Views.
• Considered the merits of consuming one’s own placenta for TODAY Show Moms.
• Explored potential tattoos for my golden years for TODAY Show Moms.
• Gave Arkansas women a voice for iVillage, after our fair state was rated… not favorably, compared to some others.
• Started a company. You heard me. Peekaboo Media Group was born this month. That’s us in the picture up there.
• Contributed “Top 5 Ways to Save Money in the Kitchen” for Chicago Parent’s Your Money feature.
• Sold a reprint about teaching kids about cash and credit to Austin Family Magazine, which they were able to adapt into a television news segment! Love that. (See the segment below.)
• “Portrait of a Junk Drawer” was published in the spring issue of BC Parent.

Austin Family: Kids and Credit: MyFoxAUSTIN.com

On Newsstands Now

“The Case of the Easter Bunny” in ParentsSource and Broward Family Life.

“Confessions of an Earth Mama Wannabe” in metroparent.

“Cyber-Bullying: 6 Strategies for Prevention and Damage Control” in Savvy Kids.

“When You Want to Run Away” in Houston Family.

My kids love to play pranks on April Fool’s Day. They also enjoy trying to play me for a fool every other day of the year, but I don’t take their lies seriously, and I don’t think you should either. Fool’s Day or no, if you live with a child of your own making, any of the following may be lies:

I’m not texting; I’m playing a game.

Of course the new puppy went #2.

Yes, I cleaned my bathroom/made my bed/fed the fish.

I have never traded my apple for chips and candy.

Taylor’s mom is going to be there the whole time.

Read the rest of this post on MSNBC TODAY Show Moms.

Image: Stef Thomas, Flickr